Click here to watch Stephen Colbert take a look at impossible beauty standards on The Colbert Report.
Meanwhile, full episodes of The Report are always available on the Comedy Central app.
im gonna go shower fully clothed because I respect my body <3 <3
Vampira and Bela Lugosi (1956)
I miss when I was like 12 and it would be the night before a big field trip or something and I couldn’t go to sleep because I was so excited. I miss being so into a book that I would stay up past my bed time reading it. Everything seems so bland or something Idk. I’m only 19 and everything is so tiring. I miss wanting to be awake
Not the heroes we thought we needed but the heroes we really needed all along
Kid gets a banana as a prank gift from his parents on his birthday. Look at his excitement. This kid is my hero.
Jesus was a homeless Palestinian anarchist who held protests at oppressive churches, advocated for universal health care and redistribution of wealth, before being arrested for terrorism, tortured and executed for crimes against the state, now go ahead and explain to me why he’d vote conservative. I’ll wait.
i’m sorry that’s just the best sentence i’ve ever read
Canon Jesus is so much cooler than American Jesus.
How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they can’t get that high.
How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, she holds it up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. An alto to actually do it and a soprano to stand by and ask “isn’t that a little high for you?”
u wanna fucking go
Everyone reblog this can’t this is perfect
Out of these 454k notes how many of them waited for the number to reach to zero?
you know how scared i was when it was almost zero
wait for zero
I got fucking scared and held my breath when it hit zero then i read it and was like “IM DROPPING EVERYTHING AND REBLOGGING”